|
Funny Movies Quotes - Funny Quotes about Movies Never judge a book by its movie.
More funny J.W. Eagan quotes
***
In Hollywood now when people die they don't say, "Did he leave a will?" but "Did he leave a diary?"
More funny Liza Minnelli quotes
***
It is my indignant opinion that 90 percent of the moving pictures exhibited in America are so vulgar, witless and dull that it is preposterous to write about them in any publication not intended to be read while chewing gum.
More funny Wolcott Gibbs quotes
***
My dentist said to me the other day, I've enough problems in my life, so why should I see your films?
More funny David Cronenberg quotes
***
Africa is God's country, and He can have it. (Animal Crackers)
More funny Groucho Marx quotes
***
This bear was six foot seven in his stocking feet and had shoes on. (Animal Crackers)
More funny Groucho Marx quotes
***
One woman and one man was good enough for your grandmother, but who wants to marry your grandmother? Nobody, not even your grandfather. (Animal Crackers)
More funny Groucho Marx quotes
***
One morning, I shot an elephant in my pyjamas. How he got in my pyjamas I don't know. (Animal Crackers)
More funny Groucho Marx quotes
***
We took some pictures of the native girls, but they weren't developed, but we're going back again in a couple of weeks. (Animal Crackers)
More funny Groucho Marx quotes
***
Oh, I know it's a penny here and a penny there, but look at me. I worked myself up from nothing to a state of extreme poverty. (Monkey Business)
More funny Groucho Marx quotes
***
Afraid? Me? A man who's licked his weight in wild caterpillars? (Monkey Business)
More funny Groucho Marx quotes
***
Why don't you bore a hole in yourself and let the sap run out? (Horse Feathers)
More funny Groucho Marx quotes
***
My boy, get in there and play like you did in the last game. I've got five dollars bet on the other team. (Horse Feathers)
More funny Groucho Marx quotes
***
Two thousand dollars for ice? I can get an Eskimo for two hundred dollars and make my own ice. (Horse Feathers)
More funny Groucho Marx quotes
***
I married your mother because I wanted children. Imagine my disappointment when you arrived. (Horse Feathers)
More funny Groucho Marx quotes
***
You've got the brain of a four-year-old boy, and I bet he was glad to get rid of it. (Horse Feathers)
More funny Groucho Marx quotes
***
I've got a good mind to join a club and beat you over the head with it.
More funny Groucho Marx quotes
***
Clear? Huh! Why a 4-year-old child could understand this report. Run out and find me a 4-year-old child. I can't make head or tail out of it. (Duck Soup)
More funny Groucho Marx quotes
***
Don't look now, but there's one man too many in this room, and I think it's you. (Duck Soup)
More funny Groucho Marx quotes
***
Say! You cover a lot of ground yourself. You'd better beat it. I hear they're gonna tear you down and put up an office building where you're standing. (Duck Soup)
More funny Groucho Marx quotes
***
You can leave in a taxi. If you can't get a taxi, you can leave in a huff. If that's too soon, you can leave in a minute and a huff. (Duck Soup)
More funny Groucho Marx quotes
***
You know, you haven't stopped talking since I came here. You must have been vaccinated with a phonograph needle. (Duck Soup)
More funny Groucho Marx quotes
***
Maybe you can suggest something. As a matter of fact, you do suggest something. To me you suggest a baboon. (Duck Soup)
More funny Groucho Marx quotes
***
Chicolini here may talk like an idiot and look like an idiot, but don't let that fool you. He really is an idiot. (Duck Soup)
More funny Groucho Marx quotes
***
Let there be dancing in the streets, drinking in the saloons, and necking in the parlor.
More funny Groucho Marx quotes
***
When I invite a woman to dinner, I expect her to look at my face. That's the price she has to pay. (Night at the Opera)
More funny Groucho Marx quotes
***
You're willing to pay him a thousand dollars a night just for singing? Why, you can get a phonograph record of Minnie the Moocher for 75 cents. And for a buck and a quarter, you can get Minnie. (Night at the Opera)
More funny Groucho Marx quotes
***
No, no, I'd rather not. I have an agreement with the houseflies. The flies don't practice law and I don't walk on the ceiling. (At the Circus)
More funny Groucho Marx quotes
***
I'd have thrashed him to within an inch of his life, but I didn't have a tape measure. (Go West)
More funny Groucho Marx quotes
***
We've got to speed things up in this hotel. Chef, if a guest orders a three-minute egg, give it to him in two minutes. If he orders a two-minute egg, give it to him in one minute. If he orders a one-minute egg, give him a chicken and let him work it out for himself. (A Night in Casablanca)
More funny Groucho Marx quotes
***
A woman can smell mink through six inches of lead. (Double Dynamite)
More funny Groucho Marx quotes
***
I loved making 'Rising Sun'. I got into the psychology of why she liked to get strangled and tied up in plastic bags. It has to do with low self-worth.
More funny Tatjana Patitz quotes
***
Because modeling is lucrative, I'm able to save up and be more particular about the acting roles I take. (star of 'Alien From L.A.' and 'Danger Island')
More funny Kathy Ireland quotes
***
If I'm making a movie and get hungry, I call time-out and eat some crackers.
More funny Carol Alt quotes
***
It's our fault. We should have given him better parts.
More funny Jack Warner quotes
***
Welcome to the Academy Awards, a glittering two hours of entertainment, spread out over four hours. For those of you taping this on Betamax, you're under arrest. -- (at the 1979 Oscars®)
More funny Johnny Carson quotes
***
I thought 'Deep Throat' was a movie about a giraffe.
More funny Bob Hope quotes
***
If it's a good script I'll do it. And if it's a bad script, and they pay me enough, I'll do it.
More funny George Burns quotes
***
Women are like Elephants. I like to watch them, but I wouldn't want to own one. (Mississippi, 1935)
More funny W. C. Fields quotes
***
Hasta la vista, Baby (Terminator 2: Judgment Day)
More funny Arnold Schwarzenegger quotes
***
If I can sell tickets to my movies like Red Sonja or Last Action Hero you know I can sell just about anything. (January 6, 2004)
More funny Arnold Schwarzenegger quotes
***
One of my movies was called "True Lies." It's what the Democrats should have called their convention.
More funny Arnold Schwarzenegger quotes
***
My friend James Cameron and I made three films together - True Lies, The Terminator and Terminator 2. Of course, that was during his early, low-budget, art-house period. (presenting at the 1998 Oscars®)
More funny Arnold Schwarzenegger quotes
***
A James Cagney love scene is one where he lets the other guy live.
More funny Bob Hope quotes
***
I steal from every movie ever made.
More funny Quentin Tarantino quotes
***
Violence is one of the most fun things to watch.
More funny Quentin Tarantino quotes
***
I never thought I'd land in pictures with a face like mine.
More funny Audrey Hepburn quotes
***
You know what your problem is, it's that you haven't seen enough movies - all of life's riddles are answered in the movies.
More funny Steve Martin quotes
***
When you've made six pictures and the mule still gets more fan mail than you do... (on leaving the Francis the Talking Mule franchise)
More funny Donald O'Connor quotes
***
So, where's the Cannes Film Festival being held this year?
More funny Christina Aguilera quotes
***
When the Academy called, I panicked. I thought they might want their Oscars back and the pawn shop has been out of business for awhile. (at the 2002 Oscars)
More funny Woody Allen quotes
***
I find his films about as funny as getting an arrow through the neck and discovering there's a gas bill tied to it. [On Charlie Chaplin]
More funny Rowan Atkinson quotes
***
I shouldn't make movies. I should go to a lunatic asylum.
More funny Werner Herzog quotes
***
Film is not the art of scholars, but of illiterates.
More funny Werner Herzog quotes
***
Someone like Jean-Luc Godard is for me intellectual counterfeit money when compared to a good kung fu film.
More funny Werner Herzog quotes
***
When I saw the dancing chicken, I knew I would create a grand metaphor—for what, I don't know.
More funny Werner Herzog quotes
***
You call this a script? Give me a couple of $5000.00-a-week writers and I'll write it myself.
More funny Joe Pasternak quotes
***
He also made me wear a padded bra. You know, nothing says DEA agent more than double D's. [talking about Michael Bay's Bad Boys 2)
More funny Gabrielle Union quotes
***
Lawyers should not marry other lawyers. This is called inbreeding, from which comes idiot children and other lawyers. (Adam's Rib, 1949)
More funny David Wayne quotes
***
As long as the producers want me and the Almighty doesn't. (on how long he would play 'Q' in the James Bond movies)
More funny Desmond Llewelyn quotes
***
My thanks to the Academy for the very finest, greatest award that any actor can ever receive. The only thing a man can say at a time like this is—I am not really bald.
More funny Tommy Lee Jones quotes
***
Goodbye, Mr. Zanuck; it certainly has been a pleasure working at Sixteenth Century Fox.
More funny Jean Renoir quotes
***
I really liked Lassie, but that horse, Flicka, was a nasty animal with a terrible disposition. All the Flickas—all six of them—were awful.
More funny Roddy McDowall quotes
***
They used to shoot her through gauze. You should shoot me through linoleum. (referring to Shirley Temple)
More funny Tallulah Bankhead quotes
***
I'm not a big filmophile. I don't watch movies a lot for a hobby. I spend all my time watching sporting events. Because, opposed to movies, you can never tell how they're going to end.
More funny Michael Douglas quotes
***
I don't think he could direct his nephew to the bathroom. -- (on Otto Preminger)
More funny Dyan Cannon quotes
***
A wedding is a funeral where you smell your own flowers. -- (Kid Millions, 1934)
More funny Eddie Cantor quotes
***
I did what anybody would do if they were going to dance around in a g-string and bra in front of 50 men for four days...I didn't eat very much for a month. [on her True Lies dance scene]
More funny Jamie Lee Curtis quotes
***
I have to be careful to get out before I become the grotesque caricature of a hatchet-faced woman with big knockers. -- (on growing old in Hollywood, March 2001, More Magazine)
More funny Jamie Lee Curtis quotes
***
The only acting you ever see at the Oscars is when people act like they're not mad they lost. Nicole Kidman was smiling so wide, she should have won an Emmy at the Oscars for her great performance. I was like, 'If you'd done that in the movie, you'd have won an Oscar, girl!
More funny Chris Rock quotes
***
I think that [the film] 'Clueless' was very deep. I think it was deep in the way that it was very light. I think lightness has to come from a very deep place if it's true lightness. -- (quoted in the Sunday Telegraph)
More funny Alicia Silverstone quotes
***
A man doesn't know what hapiness is until he's married. By then it's too late. -- (The Joker is Wild, 1957)
More funny Frank Sinatra quotes
***
I would like to spank director Spike Jonze. -- (Meryl misreads a faxed acceptance speech at the 2003 Baftas)
More funny Meryl Streep quotes
***
I keep seeing lousy films and saying to myself, 'I don't know anything about moviemaking, but I couldn't do any worse than this'.
More funny Stanley Kubrick quotes
***
Do you think we should drive a stake through his heart just in case? (to Vincent Price at Bela Lugosi's funeral)
More funny Peter Lorre quotes
***
An actor entering through the door, you've got nothing. But if he enters through the window, you've got a situation.
More funny Billy Wilder quotes
***
Between pictures, there is no Lon Chaney.
More funny Lon Chaney quotes
***
It doesn't work if the bad guys kill his mother's uncle's friend's neighbor's pet dog. You've got to make the stakes high.
More funny Steven Seagal quotes
***
My mother had to send me to the movies with my birth certificate, so that I wouldn't have to pay the extra fifty cents [the adults had to pay].
More funny Kareem Abdul-Jabbar quotes
***
I've made so many movies playing a hooker that they don't pay me in the regular way any more. They leave it on the dresser.
More funny Shirley MacLaine quotes
***
A lot of movies are about life, mine are like a slice of cake.
More funny Alfred Hitchcock quotes
***
Always make the audience suffer as much as possible.
More funny Alfred Hitchcock quotes
***
Blondes make the best victims. They're like virgin snow that shows up the bloody footprints.
More funny Alfred Hitchcock quotes
***
Dialogue should simply be a sound among other sounds, just something that comes out of the mouths of people whose eyes tell the story in visual terms.
More funny Alfred Hitchcock quotes
***
Disney has the best casting. If he doesn't like an actor he just tears him up.
More funny Alfred Hitchcock quotes
***
Drama is life with the dull bits cut out.
More funny Alfred Hitchcock quotes
***
For me, the cinema is not a slice of life, but a piece of cake.
More funny Alfred Hitchcock quotes
***
Give them pleasure - the same pleasure they have when they wake up from a nightmare.
More funny Alfred Hitchcock quotes
***
I am a typed director. If I made Cinderella, the audience would immediately be looking for a body in the coach.
More funny Alfred Hitchcock quotes
***
In feature films the director is God; in documentary films God is the director.
More funny Alfred Hitchcock quotes
***
The length of a film should be directly related to the endurance of the human bladder.
More funny Alfred Hitchcock quotes
***
When an actor comes to me and wants to discuss his character, I say, 'It's in the script.' If he says, 'But what's my motivation?, ' I say, 'Your salary.'
More funny Alfred Hitchcock quotes
***
I never went to a John Wayne movie to find a philosophy to live by or to absorb a profound message. I went for the simple pleasure of spending a couple of hours seeing the bad guys lose.
More funny Mike Royko quotes
***
The next one. (on which of his films was his favorite)
More funny George Pal quotes
***
I'm pretty slapstick in my life but nobody sees that. You get typecast. I'm from New York and I have a sh*t-detector that's outspoken. I'm very streetwise and the producers detect that. So they get me on a movie and kill me. I go into their offices and I'm sure when I leave they say, 'You know, he'd be great to kill'. I've been killed every way you can imagine.
More funny Lance Henriksen quotes
***
I'm just glad it'll be Clark Gable who's falling on his face and not Gary Cooper.
More funny Gary Cooper quotes
***
Shirley Temple had charisma as a child. But it cleared up as an adult.
More funny Totie Fields quotes
***
I've been close to Bette Davis for thirty-eight years - and I have the cigarette burns to prove it.
More funny Henry Fonda quotes
***
John is half-tyrant, half-revolutionary; half-saint, half-satan; half-possible, half-impossible; half-genius, half-Irish.
More funny Frank Capra quotes
***
I can't see what Jack Warner can do with an Oscar - it can't say yes.
More funny Al Jolson quotes
***
I stick to simple themes. Love. Hate. No nuances. I stay away from psychoanalyst's couch scenes. Couches are good for one thing.
More funny John Wayne quotes
***
There are many vampires in the world today - you only have to think of the film business.
More funny Christopher Lee quotes
***
We won't make a sequel, but we may well make a second episode. (on "Batman")
More funny Jon Peters quotes
***
You knuckleheads!
More funny Moe Howard quotes
***
It's nice to be immortal. Film has given us immortality. Now my children are going to appreciate Tarzan.
More funny Maureen O'Sullivan quotes
***
It's got so that every time I walk into a restaurant I get not only soup but an impersonation of Captain Bligh.
More funny Charles Laughton quotes
***
One of the grotesqueries of present-day American life is the amount of reasoning that goes into displaying the wisdom secreted in bad movies while proving that modern art is meaningless.
More funny Harold Rosenberg quotes
***
I feel ghostly unreal until I become somebody else again on the screen.
More funny Peter Sellers quotes
***
If you are what you eat, then one of the sharks in 'Jaws' is a beer can, half a mackerel and a Louisiana license plate... The other characters in the film are nowhere nearly so fully packed.
More funny Vincent Canby quotes
***
I made over forty Westerns. I used to lie awake nights trying to think up new ways of getting on and off a horse.
More funny William Wyler quotes
***
I've played a lot of bad guys, 'cause that was the only work I could get. People saw my face and went 'Oooh.
More funny Lawrence Fishburne quotes
***
The films are polar opposites. In one, I had to strap my breasts down and in the other push them up. (on "Boys Don't Cry" and "The Affair of the Necklace")
More funny Hillary Swank quotes
***
The trouble with Bogart is he thinks he's Bogart.
More funny John Huston quotes
***
I wouldn't mind being in an American film for a laugh, but I certainly don't want to be in Thingy Blah Blah 3, if you know what I mean.
More funny Audrey Tautou quotes
***
What do you want me to do? Stop shooting now and release it as The Five Commandments? (running over budget on the filming of "The Ten Commandments)
More funny Cecil B. DeMille quotes
***
This is the most uncomfortable coffin I've ever been in. (to Ed Wood on one of his movie sets)
More funny Bela Lugosi quotes
***
You tolerate me, you really tolerate me. (parodying Sally Field while accepting "Independent Spirit" Award)
More funny Sean Penn quotes
***
I did a picture in England one winter and it was so cold, I almost got married.
More funny Shelley Winters quotes
***
Life is difficult enough without Meryl Streep movies.
More funny Truman Capote quotes
***
Critics have never been able to discover a unifying theme in my films. For that matter, neither have I.
More funny John Huston quotes
***
I heard that, before 'Baby Jane,' when Bette Davis was washed up in the movies and took her act on the road, Tallulah Bankhead sent her a first-night telegram which read: 'Kisses on Your Opening.' Tallulah was AC-DC. Bette is strictly B.D.
More funny Joan Blondell quotes
***
Yeah, I had to change my name because there were two other actors registered at Equity with that name. One of them is doing quite well from what I understand, the other is making cheap porn movies... like 'Basic Instinct.' (on his given name (Michael John Douglas)
More funny Michael Keaton quotes
***
If my films don't show a profit, I know I'm doing something right.
More funny Woody Allen quotes
***
If my films make one more person miserable, I'll feel I have done my job.
More funny Woody Allen quotes
***
God makes stars. I just produce them.
More funny Samuel Goldwyn quotes
***
Our comedies are not to be laughed at.
More funny Samuel Goldwyn quotes
***
Why should people go out and pay to see bad movies when they can stay home and see bad television for nothing.
More funny Samuel Goldwyn quotes
***
I don’t care if it doesn’t make a nickel. I just want every man, woman, and child in America to see it.
More funny Samuel Goldwyn quotes
***
Pictures are for entertainment, messages should be delivered by Western Union.
More funny Samuel Goldwyn quotes
***
Go see that turkey for yourself, and see for yourself why you shouldn’t see it.
More funny Samuel Goldwyn quotes
***
If I were in this business only for the business, I wouldn’t be in this business.
More funny Samuel Goldwyn quotes
***
A wide screen just makes a bad film twice as bad.
More funny Samuel Goldwyn quotes
***
All of a sudden I found myself doing things like 'Robot Monster' and 'Cat-Women of the Moon,' and I didn't know what the devil was going on. But if you're going to do a really bad movie, at least you do one that is at the top of the all-time bad-movie list.
More funny Elmer Bernstein quotes
***
You will find more famous quotes of all types at our sister site
Basic Quotations
|
|
