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Funny Money Quotes - Funny Quotes about Money Whoever said money can't buy happiness didn't know where to shop.
More funny Gertrude Stein quotes
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I'm living so far beyond my income that we may almost be said to be living apart.
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If you can count your money, you don't have a billion dollars.
More funny J. Paul Getty quotes
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If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments.
More funny Anonymous quotes
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If you lend someone $20, and never see that person again; it was probably worth it.
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If you want to say it with flowers, a single rose says: "I'm cheap!"
More funny Delta Burke quotes
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Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I'm not there, I go to work.
More funny Robert Orben quotes
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Don't marry for money. You can borrow it cheaper.
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It isn't necessary to be rich and famous to be happy. It's only necessary to be rich.
More funny Alan Alda quotes
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Money can't buy happiness; it can, however, rent it.
More funny Anonymous quotes
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You never realize how short a month is until you pay alimony.
More funny John Barrymore quotes
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Nothing more clearly show how little God esteems his gift to men of wealth, money, position and other wordly goods, than the way he distributes these, and the sort of men who are most amply provided with them.
More funny Jean De La Bruyere quotes
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A bank is a place where they lend you an umbrella in fair weather and ask for it back when it rains.
More funny Robert Frost quotes
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It is pretty hard to tell what does bring happiness; poverty and wealth have both failed.
More funny Kin Hubbard quotes
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I don't like money, actually, but it quiets my nerves.
More funny Joe Louis quotes
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Money can't buy friends, but you can get a better class of enemy.
More funny Spike Milligan quotes
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Someday I want to be rich. Some people get so rich they lose all respect for humanity. That's how rich I want to be.
More funny Rita Rudner quotes
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Honesty is the best policy -- when there is money in it.
More funny Mark Twain quotes
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It is in the character of very few men to honor without envy a friend who has prospered.
More funny Aeschylus quotes
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Acquaintance, n.: A person whom we know well enough to borrow from, but not well enough to lend to.
More funny Ambrose Bierce quotes
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Content makes poor men rich; discontentment makes rich men poor.
More funny Benjamin Franklin quotes
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If you would know the value of money try to borrow some.
More funny Benjamin Franklin quotes
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I'm tired of hearing about money, money, money, money, money. I just want to play the game, drink Pepsi, wear Reebok.
More funny Shaquille O'Neal quotes
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The greatest luxury of riches is that they enable you to escape so much good advice.
More funny Sir Arthur Helps quotes
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...and now we're down to our last $37,000.
More funny Tammy Faye Bakker quotes
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If hard work were such a wonderful thing, surely the rich would have kept it all to themselves.
More funny Lane Kirkland quotes
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All I ask is the chance to prove that money can't make me happy.
More funny Spike Milligan quotes
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Money can't buy you happiness but it does bring you a more pleasant form of misery.
More funny Spike Milligan quotes
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If you have to ask, you can't afford it!
More funny J.Pierpont Morgan quotes
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Everyone should have enough money to get plastic surgery.
More funny Beverly Johnson quotes
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I don't wake up for less than $10,000 a day.
More funny Linda Evangelista quotes
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I love to go to Washington, if only to be nearer my money.
More funny Bob Hope quotes
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Don't stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed.
More funny George Burns quotes
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It is better to spend money like there's no tomorrow than to spend tonight like there's no money.
More funny P. J. O'Rourke quotes
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Wealth is any income that is at least one hundred dollars a year more than the income of one's wife's sister's husband.
More funny H. L. Mencken quotes
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It's amazing how fast later comes when you buy now!
More funny Milton Berle quotes
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The safest way to double your money is to fold it over once and put it in your pocket.
More funny Kin Hubbard quotes
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When a fellow says, "It ain't the money but the principle of the thing," it's the money.
More funny Kin Hubbard quotes
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It isn't enough for you to love money— it's also necessary that money should love you.
More funny Kin Hubbard quotes
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To be clever enough to get all the money, one must be stupid enough to want it.
More funny Gilbert K. Chesterton quotes
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When a man's stomach is full it makes no difference whether he is rich or poor.
More funny Euripides quotes
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A man who has a million dollars is as well off as if he were rich.
More funny John Jacob Astor quotes
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I make a lot of money, but I don't want to talk about that. I work very hard and I'm worth every cent.
More funny Naomi Campbell quotes
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No one would remember the Good Samaritan if he'd only had good intentions - he had money, too.
More funny Margaret Thatcher quotes
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Someone stole all my credit cards, but I won't be reporting it. The thief spends less than my wife did.
More funny Henny Youngman quotes
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The only time to buy these is on a day with no 'y' in it. (on junk bonds)
More funny Warren Buffett quotes
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When people ask me if I have any spare change, I tell them I have it at home in my spare wallet.
More funny Nick Arnette quotes
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I'm as poor as a church mouse, that's just had an enormous tax bill on the very day his wife ran off with another mouse, taking all the cheese.
More funny Rowan Atkinson quotes
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Never invest in anything that eats or needs repairing.
More funny Billy Rose quotes
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There's no reason to be the richest man in the cemetery. You can't do any business from there.
More funny Colonel Sanders quotes
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When its a question of money, everybody is of the same religion.
More funny Voltaire quotes
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You can be young without money but you can't be old without it.
More funny Tennessee Williams quotes
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Ever notice how it's a penny for your thoughts, yet you put in your two-cents? Someone is making a penny on the deal!
More funny Steven Wright quotes
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A man explained inflation to his wife thus:
'When we married, you measured 36-24-36. Now you're 42-42-42. There's more of you, but you are not worth as much.'
More funny Joel Barnett quotes
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If it isn't the sheriff, it's the finance company: I've got more attachments on me than a vacuum cleaner.
More funny John Barrymore quotes
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Pound notes are the best religion in the world.
More funny Brendan Behan quotes
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I spent a lot of money on booze, birds and fast cars. The rest I just squandered.
More funny George Best quotes
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Ever wonder about those people who spend $2 apiece on those little bottles of Evian water? Try spelling Evian backward.
More funny George Carlin quotes
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We were so poor my daddy unplugged the clocks when we went to bed.
More funny Chris Rock quotes
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I have always said that if I were a rich man, I would employ a professional praiser.
More funny Osbert Sitwell quotes
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There were times my pants were so thin I could sit on a dime and tell if it was heads or tails.
More funny Spencer Tracy quotes
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Money couldn't buy friends, but you got a better class of enemy.
More funny Spike Milligan quotes
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Poets, we know, are terribly sensitive people, and in my observation one of the things they are most sensitive about is money.
More funny Robert Penn Warren quotes
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You can't tell a millionaire's son from a billionaire's.
More funny Vance Packard quotes
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I finally know what distinguishes man from other beasts: financial worries.
More funny Jules Renard quotes
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I cannot afford to waste my time making money.
More funny Louis Agassiz quotes
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I'm so naive about finances. Once when my mother mentioned an amount and I realized I didn't understand, she had to explain: 'That's like three Mercedes.' Then I understood.
More funny Brooke Shields quotes
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The meek shall inherit the earth, but not the mineral rights.
More funny J. Paul Getty quotes
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If you want to know what God thinks of money, just look at the people he gave it to.
More funny Dorothy Parker quotes
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I have enough money to last me the rest of my life, unless I buy something.
More funny Jackie Mason quotes
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Somebody said to me, 'But the Beatles were anti-materialistic.' That's a huge myth. John and I literally used to sit down and say, 'Now, let's write a swimming pool.'
More funny Paul McCartney quotes
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There is nothing fundamentally wrong with America's cities that money can't cure.
More funny Carl B. Stokes quotes
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The most popular labor-saving device is still money.
More funny Phyllis George quotes
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Money costs too much.
More funny Ross MacDonald quotes
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If all the rich people in the world divided up their money among themselves, there wouldn't be enough to go around.
More funny Christina Stead quotes
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If you see a bandwagon, it's too late.
More funny James Goldsmith quotes
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My present post amounts to about 700 thaler, and when there are rather more funerals than usual, the fees rise in proportion; but when a healthy wind blows, they fall accordingly...
More funny Johann Sebastian Bach quotes
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Love lasteth as long as the money endureth.
More funny William Caxton quotes
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I made my money the old fashioned way. I was very nice to a wealthy relative right before he died.
More funny Malcolm Forbes quotes
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I don't even get an allowance. (at age 10)
More funny Macaulay Culkin quotes
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Our incomes are like our shoes; if too small, they gall and pinch us; but if too large, they cause us to stumble and to trip.
More funny John Locke quotes
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Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.
More funny Woody Allen quotes
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I don't mind going back to daylight saving time. With inflation, the hour will be the only thing I've saved all year.
More funny Victor Borge quotes
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Money won't buy happiness, but it will pay the salaries of a large research staff to study the problem.
More funny Bill Vaughn quotes
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Economists report that a college education adds many thousands of dollars to a man's lifetime income - which he then spends sending his son to college.
More funny Bill Vaughn quotes
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He that is of the opinion money will do everything may well be suspected of doing everything for money.
More funny Benjamin Franklin quotes
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