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Biography
When reviewing your notes before an exam, the most important will be illegible.
[ Funny School Quotes] [ Funny Murphy's Laws Quotes] [ Funny College Quotes] ***
The more studying you did for the exam, the less sure you are as to which answer they want.
[ Funny School Quotes] [ Funny Murphy's Laws Quotes] [ Funny College Quotes] ***
80% of the final exam will be based on the one lecture you missed and the one book you didn't read.
[ Funny School Quotes] [ Funny Murphy's Laws Quotes] [ Funny College Quotes] ***
Every instructor assumes that you have nothing else to do except study for that instructor's course.
[ Funny School Quotes] [ Funny Murphy's Laws Quotes] [ Funny College Quotes] ***
The night before the English History mid-term, your biology instructor will assign 200 pages on planaria.
[ Funny School Quotes] [ Funny Murphy's Laws Quotes] [ Funny College Quotes] ***
If you are given an open-book exam, you will forget your book.
[ Funny School Quotes] [ Funny Murphy's Laws Quotes] [ Funny College Quotes] ***
If you are given a take-home exam, you will forget where you live.
[ Funny School Quotes] [ Funny Murphy's Laws Quotes] [ Funny College Quotes] ***
When the plane you are on is late, the plane you want to transfer to is on time.
[ Funny Murphy's Laws Quotes] [ Funny Airplane Quotes] ***
Almost anything is easier to get into than out of.
[ Funny Murphy's Laws Quotes] ***
Don't force it; get a larger hammer.
[ Funny Murphy's Laws Quotes] ***
Any tool when dropped, will roll into the least accessible corner of the workshop.
[ Funny Murphy's Laws Quotes] ***
On the way to the corner, any dropped tool will first strike your toes.
***
If you have to ask, you're not entitled to know.
If you don't like the answer, you shouldn't have asked the question.
[ Funny Knowledge Quotes] ***
When eating an elephant, take one bite at a time.
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When working toward the solution of a problem, it always helps if you know the answer.
Corollary: Provided, of course, that you know there is a problem.
[ Funny Murphy's Laws Quotes] [ Funny Problem Quotes] ***
A memorandum is written not to inform the reader but to protect the writer.
[ Funny Murphy's Laws Quotes] [ Funny Bureaucracy Quotes] ***
Power tends to corrupt; absolute power corrupts absolutely.
[ Funny Murphy's Laws Quotes] [ Funny Power Quotes] ***
Anybody can win -- unless there happens to be a second entry.
[ Funny Murphy's Laws Quotes] [ Funny Winning Quotes] ***
Social innovations tend to the level of minimum tolerable well being.
[ Funny Murphy's Laws Quotes] ***
Never eat at a place called Mom's.
Never play cards with a man named Doc.
And never lie down with a woman who's got more troubles than you.
[ Funny Murphy's Laws Quotes] ***
It is better for civilization to be going down the drain than to be coming up it.
[ Funny Murphy's Laws Quotes] [ Funny Civilization Quotes] ***
Justice always prevails ... three times out of seven.
[ Funny Murphy's Laws Quotes] [ Funny Justice Quotes] ***
I have yet to see any problem, however complicated, which, when you looked at it in the right way, did not become still more complicated.
[ Funny Murphy's Laws Quotes] [ Funny Problem Quotes] ***
No matter which direction you start it's always against the wind coming back.
[ Funny Murphy's Laws Quotes] ***
When working on a project, if you put away a tool that you're certain you're finished with, you will need it instantly.
[ Funny Murphy's Laws Quotes] ***
1) The one piece that the plant forgot to ship is the one that supports 75% of the balance of the shipment. Corollary: Not only did the plant forget to ship it, 50% of the time they haven't even made it.
2) Truck deliveries that normally take one day will take five when you are waiting for the truck.
3) After adding two weeks to the schedule for unexpected delays, add two more for the unexpected, unexpected delays.
4) In any structure, pick out the one piece that should not be mismarked and expect the plant to cross you up.
Corollaries:
1) In any group of pieces with the same erection mark on it, one should not have that mark on it.
2) It will not be discovered until you try to put it where the mark says it's supposed to go.
3) Never argue with the fabricating plant about an error. The inspection prints are all checked off, even to the holes that aren't there.
[ Funny Murphy's Laws Quotes] ***
Those whose approval you seek the most give you the least.
[ Funny Murphy's Laws Quotes] ***
Any order that can be misunderstood has been misunderstood.
[ Funny Murphy's Laws Quotes] [ Funny Army Quotes] ***
If it moves, salute it; if it doesn't move, pick it up; if you can't pick it up, paint it.
[ Funny Murphy's Laws Quotes] [ Funny Army Quotes] ***
1) Numbers are tools, not rules.
2) Numbers are symbols for things; the number and the thing are not the same.
3) Skill in manipulating numbers is a talent, not evidence of divine guidance.
4) Like other occult techniques of divination, the statistical method has a private jargon deliberately contrived to obscure its methods from nonpractitioners.
5) The product of an arithmetical computation is the answer to an equation; it is not the solution to a problem.
6) Arithmetical proofs of theorems that do not have arithmetical bases prove nothing.
[ Funny Murphy's Laws Quotes] [ Funny Math Quotes] [ Funny Statistics Quotes] ***
No books are lost by loaning except those you particularly wanted to keep.
[ Funny Murphy's Laws Quotes] [ Funny Book Quotes] ***
Trouble strikes in series of threes, but when working around the house the next job after a series of three is not the fourth job -- it's the start of a brand new series of three.
[ Funny Murphy's Laws Quotes] [ Funny Trouble Quotes] ***
If it should exist, it doesn't.
[ Funny Murphy's Laws Quotes] ***
If it does exist, it's out of date.
[ Funny Murphy's Laws Quotes] ***
Only useless documentation transcends the first two laws.
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If you can't learn to do it well, you should learn to enjoy doing it badly.
[ Funny Murphy's Laws Quotes] [ Funny Learning Quotes] ***
No matter which way you ride, it's uphill and against the wind.
[ Funny Murphy's Laws Quotes] ***
What you don't know will always hurt you.
[ Funny Knowledge Quotes] ***
Inside every small problem is a large problem struggling to get out.
[ Funny Murphy's Laws Quotes] [ Funny Problem Quotes] ***
The remaining work to finish in order to reach your goal increases as the deadline approaches.
[ Funny Work Quotes] [ Funny Murphy's Laws Quotes] ***
The first pull on the cord ALWAYS sends the drapes in the wrong direction.
[ Funny Science Quotes] [ Funny Murphy's Laws Quotes] ***
Whenever a system becomes completely defined, someone discovers something which either abolishes the system or expands it beyond recognition.
[ Funny Science Quotes] [ Funny Murphy's Laws Quotes] ***
If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the next morning you will have a flat tire.
[ Funny Work Quotes] [ Funny Boss Quotes] ***
You can fool all of the people some of the time, and some of the people all of the time, but you Can't Fool Mom.
[ Funny Mother Quotes] [ Funny Murphy's Laws Quotes] ***
The only things that start on time are those that you're late for.
[ Funny Murphy's Laws Quotes] ***
No project was ever completed on time and within budget.
[ Funny Work Quotes] ***
Hot glass looks the same as cold glass.
[ Funny Murphy's Laws Quotes] ***
When a distinguished but elderly scientist states that something is possible, he is almost certainly right. When he states that something is impossible, he is very probably wrong.
[ Funny Science Quotes] [ Funny Murphy's Laws Quotes] [ Funny Impossible Quotes] ***
The limits of the possible can only be defined by going beyond them into the
impossible.
[ Funny Science Quotes] [ Funny Murphy's Laws Quotes] [ Funny Impossible Quotes] ***
Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic.
[ Funny Science Quotes] [ Funny Murphy's Laws Quotes] [ Funny Technology Quotes] ***
Shredded cabbage goes great with shredded carrots and mayonnaise.
[ Funny Food Quotes] [ Funny Murphy's Laws Quotes] ***
Any given program, when running, is obsolete.
[ Funny Computer Quotes] [ Funny Murphy's Laws Quotes] ***
Any given program costs more and takes longer.
[ Funny Computer Quotes] [ Funny Murphy's Laws Quotes] ***
If a program is useful, it will have to be changed.
[ Funny Computer Quotes] [ Funny Murphy's Laws Quotes] ***
If a program is useless, it will have to be documented.
[ Funny Computer Quotes] [ Funny Murphy's Laws Quotes] ***
Any program will expand to fill available memory.
[ Funny Computer Quotes] [ Funny Murphy's Laws Quotes] ***
The value of a program is proportional to the weight of its output.
[ Funny Computer Quotes] [ Funny Murphy's Laws Quotes] ***
Program complexity grows until it exceeds the capabilities of the programmer who must maintain it.
[ Funny Computer Quotes] [ Funny Murphy's Laws Quotes] ***
Any non-trivial program contains at least one bug.
[ Funny Computer Quotes] [ Funny Murphy's Laws Quotes] ***
Undetectable errors are infinite in variety, in contrast to detectable errors, which by definition are limited.
[ Funny Computer Quotes] [ Funny Murphy's Laws Quotes] ***
Adding manpower to a late software project makes it later.
[ Funny Computer Quotes] [ Funny Murphy's Laws Quotes] ***
Design flaws travel in groups.
[ Funny Murphy's Laws Quotes] [ Funny Mistake Quotes] ***
Opportunity always knocks at the least opportune moment.
[ Funny Murphy's Laws Quotes] [ Funny Opportunity Quotes] ***
Spend sufficient time confirming the need and the need will disappear.
[ Funny Murphy's Laws Quotes] ***
In approaching a double door, you will always go to the one door that is locked, pull when you should have pushed, and push when the sign says pull.
[ Funny Murphy's Laws Quotes] ***
The other line moves faster.
[ Funny Murphy's Laws Quotes] [ Funny Shopping Quotes] ***
If an experiment works, something has gone wrong.
[ Funny Science Quotes] [ Funny Murphy's Laws Quotes] ***
No matter what the experiment's result, there will always be someone eager to: (a) misinterpret it. (b) fake it. or (c) believe it supports his own pet theory.
[ Funny Science Quotes] [ Funny Murphy's Laws Quotes] ***
In any collection of data, the figure most obviously correct, beyond all need of checking, is the mistake.
[ Funny Science Quotes] [ Funny Murphy's Laws Quotes] [ Funny Mistake Quotes] ***
Once a job is fouled up, anything done to improve it only makes it worse.
[ Funny Science Quotes] [ Funny Murphy's Laws Quotes] ***
Chicken Little only has to be right once.
[ Funny Murphy's Laws Quotes] ***
When you need to knock on wood is when you realize that the world is composed of vinyl, naugahyde and aluminum.
[ Funny Murphy's Laws Quotes] ***
If you knew what you were doing, you'd probably be bored.
[ Funny Murphy's Laws Quotes] [ Funny Boredom Quotes] ***
Push something hard enough and it will fall over.
[ Funny Murphy's Laws Quotes] ***
Information necessitating a change of design will be conveyed to the designer after and only after the design is complete. (Often called the 'Now They Tell Us' Law)
[ Funny Murphy's Laws Quotes] ***
In simple cases, presenting one obvious right way versus one obvious wrong way, it is often wiser to choose the wrong way so as to expedite subsequent revision.
[ Funny Murphy's Laws Quotes] ***
The more innocuous the modification appears to be, the further its influence will extend and the more the design will have to be redrawn.
[ Funny Murphy's Laws Quotes] ***
If, when completion of a design is imminent, field dimensions are finally supplied as they actually are, instead of as they were meant to be, it is always simpler to start over from scratch.
[ Funny Murphy's Laws Quotes] ***
It is usually impractical to worry beforehand about interferences -- if you have none, someone will make one for you.
[ Funny Murphy's Laws Quotes] ***
A little ignorance can go a long way.
[ Funny Murphy's Laws Quotes] ***
An object in motion will be heading in the wrong direction.
[ Funny Science Quotes] [ Funny Murphy's Laws Quotes] ***
An object at rest will be in the wrong place.
[ Funny Science Quotes] [ Funny Murphy's Laws Quotes] ***
It ain't necessarily so.
[ Funny Murphy's Laws Quotes] [ Funny Reality Quotes] ***
If the shoe fits, it's ugly.
[ Funny Murphy's Laws Quotes] [ Funny Fashion Quotes] ***
2 is not equal to 3 - not even for very large values of 2.
[ Funny Murphy's Laws Quotes] [ Funny Math Quotes] ***
Complex problems have simple, easy to understand wrong answers.
[ Funny Murphy's Laws Quotes] [ Funny Problem Quotes] ***
When you are served a meal aboard an aircraft, the aircraft will encounter turbulence.
[ Funny Murphy's Laws Quotes] [ Funny Airplane Quotes] ***
The strength of the turbulence is directly proportional to the temperature of your coffee.
[ Funny Murphy's Laws Quotes] [ Funny Airplane Quotes] ***
Never attribute to malice that which is adequately explained by stupidity.
[ Funny Murphy's Laws Quotes] [ Funny Stupidity Quotes] [ Funny Evil Quotes] ***
The probability of someone watching you is proportional to the stupidity of your action.
[ Funny Murphy's Laws Quotes] [ Funny Stupidity Quotes] ***
Never sleep with anyone crazier than yourself.
[ Funny Murphy's Laws Quotes] ***
If you wait, it will go away.
[ Funny Murphy's Laws Quotes] [ Funny Patience Quotes] ***
It always takes longer than you expect, even when you take Hofstadter's Law into account.
[ Funny Murphy's Laws Quotes] [ Funny Time Quotes] ***
The chance of the bread falling with the butter side down is directly proportional to the value of the carpet.
[ Funny Science Quotes] [ Funny Murphy's Laws Quotes] ***
Tolerances will accumulate unidirectionally toward maximum difficulty of assembly.
[ Funny Murphy's Laws Quotes] [ Funny Technology Quotes] ***
Any product cut to length will be too short.
[ Funny Murphy's Laws Quotes] [ Funny Technology Quotes] ***
The trouble with resisting temptation is it may never come your way again.
[ Funny Murphy's Laws Quotes] [ Funny Temptation Quotes] ***
After the last of 16 mounting screws has been removed from an access cover, it will be discovered that the wrong access cover has been removed.
[ Funny Murphy's Laws Quotes] ***
After an access cover has been secured by 16 hold-down screws, it will be discovered that the gasket has been omitted.
[ Funny Murphy's Laws Quotes] ***
No amount of genius can overcome a preoccupation with detail.
[ Funny Murphy's Laws Quotes] [ Funny Genius Quotes] ***
Only God can make a truly random selection.
[ Funny Murphy's Laws Quotes] [ Funny God Quotes] ***
If it breaks, it needed replacing anyway.
[ Funny Murphy's Laws Quotes] ***
There's always one more bug.
[ Funny Computer Quotes] [ Funny Murphy's Laws Quotes] ***
If a computer cable has one end, then it has another.
[ Funny Computer Quotes] [ Funny Murphy's Laws Quotes] ***
The most important leg of a three legged stool is the one that's missing.
[ Funny Murphy's Laws Quotes] ***
If the facts do not conform to the theory, they must be disposed of.
[ Funny Murphy's Laws Quotes] [ Funny Fact Quotes] ***
For every action there is an equal and opposite government program.
[ Funny Murphy's Laws Quotes] [ Funny Government Quotes] ***
Logic is a systematic method of coming to the wrong conclusion with confidence.
[ Funny Murphy's Laws Quotes] ***
The shortest distance between two points is under construction.
[ Funny Murphy's Laws Quotes] ***
In a social situation, the most difficult thing to do is usually the right thing to do.
[ Funny Murphy's Laws Quotes] ***
If at first you don't succeed, read the manual.
[ Funny Murphy's Laws Quotes] ***
If anything can go wrong, it will.
[ Funny Murphy's Laws Quotes] ***
If there are two or more ways to do something, and one of those ways can result in a catastrophe, then someone will do it.
[ Funny Murphy's Laws Quotes] ***
Left to themselves, things tend to go from bad to worse.
[ Funny Murphy's Laws Quotes] ***
It is impossible to make anything foolproof because fools are so ingenious.
[ Funny Murphy's Laws Quotes] [ Funny Fool Quotes] ***
Matter will be damaged in direct proportion to its value.
[ Funny Murphy's Laws Quotes] ***
Smile, tomorrow will be worse.
[ Funny Murphy's Laws Quotes] ***
Murphy's law was not propounded by Murphy, but by another man with the same name.
[ Funny Murphy's Laws Quotes] ***
The legibility of a copy is inversely proportional to its importance.
[ Funny Murphy's Laws Quotes] ***
Enough research will tend to support your theory.
[ Funny Murphy's Laws Quotes] ***
When there is a very long road upon which there is a one-way bridge placed at random, and there are only two cars on that road, it follows that: (1) the two cars are going in opposite directions, and (2) they will always meet at the bridge.
[ Funny Driving Quotes] [ Funny Murphy's Laws Quotes] ***
Things get worse under pressure.
[ Funny Murphy's Laws Quotes] ***
Everything goes wrong all at once.
[ Funny Murphy's Laws Quotes] ***
Never share a foxhole with anyone braver than you are.
[ Funny Military Quotes] [ Funny Murphy's Laws Quotes] ***
Friendly fire isn't.
[ Funny Military Quotes] [ Funny Murphy's Laws Quotes] ***
The most dangerous thing in the combat zone is an officer with a map.
[ Funny Military Quotes] [ Funny Murphy's Laws Quotes] ***
Incoming fire has the right of way.
[ Funny Military Quotes] [ Funny Murphy's Laws Quotes] ***
The army with the smartest dress uniform will lose.
[ Funny Military Quotes] [ Funny Murphy's Laws Quotes] ***
If your sergeant can see you, so can the enemy.
[ Funny Military Quotes] [ Funny Murphy's Laws Quotes] ***
Don't be conspicuous. In the combat zone, it draws fire. Out of the combat zone, it draws sergeants.
[ Funny Military Quotes] [ Funny Murphy's Laws Quotes] ***
If you really need an officer in a hurry, take a nap.
[ Funny Military Quotes] [ Funny Murphy's Laws Quotes] ***
The quartermaster has only two sizes, too large and too small.
[ Funny Military Quotes] [ Funny Murphy's Laws Quotes] ***
Never worry about the bullet with your name on it. Instead, worry about shrapnel addressed to 'occupant'.
[ Funny Military Quotes] [ Funny Murphy's Laws Quotes] ***
If you need four screws for the job, the first three are easy to find.
[ Funny Murphy's Laws Quotes] ***
Negative expectations yield negative results.
Positive expectations yield negative results.
[ Funny Murphy's Laws Quotes] ***
If you change lines, the one you just left will start to move faster than the one you are now in.
[ Funny Murphy's Laws Quotes] [ Funny Shopping Quotes] ***
Variables won't, constants aren't.
[ Funny Murphy's Laws Quotes] [ Funny Math Quotes] ***
Murphy was an optimist.
[ Funny Murphy's Laws Quotes] [ Funny Optimism Quotes] ***
You cannot successfully determine beforehand which side of the bread to butter.
[ Funny Murphy's Laws Quotes] ***
The best shots happen immediately after the last frame is exposed.
[ Funny Murphy's Laws Quotes] ***
The best shots are generally attempted through the lens cap.
[ Funny Murphy's Laws Quotes] ***
If you did manage to get any good shots, they will be ruined when someone inadvertently opens the darkroom door and all of the dark leaks out.
[ Funny Murphy's Laws Quotes] ***
Nothing is so good that somebody, somewhere will not hate it.
[ Funny Murphy's Laws Quotes] [ Funny Goodness Quotes] [ Funny Hate Quotes] ***
Everything costs more and takes longer.
[ Funny Murphy's Laws Quotes] ***
Everything goes wrong all at once.
[ Funny Murphy's Laws Quotes] ***
When travelling down the freeway, the first bug to hit a clean windshield will always land directly in front of the driver's face.
[ Funny Driving Quotes] [ Funny Murphy's Laws Quotes] ***
The longer you wait in line, the greater the likelihood that you are in the wrong line.
[ Funny Murphy's Laws Quotes] ***
After painstaking and careful analysis of a sample, you are always told that it is the wrong sample and doesn't apply to the problem.
[ Funny Murphy's Laws Quotes] [ Funny Problem Quotes] ***
The most delicate component will be dropped.
[ Funny Murphy's Laws Quotes] ***
When working toward the solution of a problem, it always helps if you know the answer.
[ Funny Murphy's Laws Quotes] [ Funny Problem Quotes] ***
If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you have tried.
[ Funny Murphy's Laws Quotes] [ Funny Failure Quotes] ***
If nobody uses it, there's a reason.
[ Funny Murphy's Laws Quotes] [ Funny Reason Quotes] ***
It works better if you plug it in.
[ Funny Murphy's Laws Quotes] [ Funny Electricity Quotes] ***
A man with a watch knows what time it is. A man with two watches is never sure.
[ Funny Murphy's Laws Quotes] [ Funny Time Quotes] ***
An object will fall so as to do the most damage.
[ Funny Murphy's Laws Quotes] ***
Celibacy is not hereditary.
[ Funny Murphy's Laws Quotes] ***
Technology don't transfer.
[ Funny Murphy's Laws Quotes] ***
An unbreakable toy is useful for breaking other toys.
[ Funny Murphy's Laws Quotes] ***
Progress is made on alternate Fridays.
[ Funny Murphy's Laws Quotes] [ Funny Progress Quotes] ***
If builders built buildings the way programmers wrote programs, then the first woodpecker that came along would destroy civilization.
[ Funny Computer Quotes] [ Funny Murphy's Laws Quotes] ***
There are no answers, only cross references.
[ Funny Murphy's Laws Quotes] ***
A few months in the laboratory can save a few hours in the library.
[ Funny Science Quotes] [ Funny Murphy's Laws Quotes] ***
Assumption is the mother of all screw-ups.
[ Funny Murphy's Laws Quotes] [ Funny Mistake Quotes] ***
Government expands to absorb revenue and then some.
[ Funny Murphy's Laws Quotes] [ Funny Government Quotes] ***
No experiment is reproducible.
[ Funny Science Quotes] [ Funny Murphy's Laws Quotes] ***
Anything can be made to work if you fiddle with it long enough.
[ Funny Murphy's Laws Quotes] ***
Nobody notices when things go right.
[ Funny Murphy's Laws Quotes] ***
People are always available for work in the past tense.
[ Funny Work Quotes] [ Funny Murphy's Laws Quotes] ***
Once you open a can of worms, the only way to recan them is to use a bigger can.
[ Funny Murphy's Laws Quotes] ***
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Find more Zymurgy's First Law of Systems Dynamics quotes and other famous quotes at Basic Quotations.
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