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Born: 0000-00-00
Died: 0000-00-00
Anonymous Biography
If it's going to be two against one, make sure you are not the one.
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HAM AND EGGS - A day's work for a chicken; A lifetime commitment for a pig.
[ Funny Animal Quotes] [ Funny Work Quotes] [ Funny Food Quotes] [ Funny Commitment Quotes] [ Funny Chicken Quotes] [ Funny Pig Quotes] [ Funny Egg Quotes] ***
I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian.
[ Funny Food Quotes] [ Funny Vegetarian Quotes] ***
Never drive faster than your Guardian Angel can fly.
[ Funny Driving Quotes] [ Funny Guardian Angel Quotes] ***
IRS: We've got what it takes to take what you've got.
[ Funny Tax Quotes] ***
Drive carefully! Remember, it's not only a car that can be recalled by it's maker.
[ Funny Driving Quotes] ***
Ever wonder why the IRS calls it Form 1040? Because for every $50 that you earn, you get 10 and they get 40.
[ Funny Tax Quotes] ***
Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than going to McDonald's makes you a hamburger.
[ Funny Church Quotes] ***
Conway's Law: In any organization there will always be one person who knows what is going on - This person must be fired.
[ Funny Work Quotes] ***
Many banks have a new kind of Christmas club in operation. The new club helps you save money to pay for last year’s gifts.
[ Funny Christmas Quotes] ***
Christmas is a race to see which gives out first - your money or your feet.
[ Funny Christmas Quotes] ***
A New Year's resolution is something that goes in one year and out the other.
[ Funny Humor Quotes] ***
The difference between 'involvement' and 'commitment' is like an eggs-and-ham breakfast: the chicken was 'involved' - the pig was 'committed'.
[ Funny Commitment Quotes] ***
The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and a leaky tire.
[ Funny Travel Quotes] ***
It's always darkest before dawn. So if you're going to steal the neighbor's newspaper, that's the time to do it.
[ Funny Light Quotes] [ Funny Darkness Quotes] ***
Never test the depth of the water with both feet.
[ Funny Testing Quotes] ***
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others.
[ Funny Life Quotes] ***
If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments.
[ Funny Money Quotes] [ Funny Caring Quotes] ***
If you lend someone $20, and never see that person again; it was probably worth it.
[ Funny Money Quotes] ***
If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.
[ Funny Success Quotes] ***
There is no snooze button on a cat who wants breakfast.
[ Funny Cat Quotes] ***
Thousands of years ago, cats were worshipped as gods. Cats have never forgotten this.
[ Funny Cat Quotes] ***
There are many intelligent species in the universe. They are all owned by cats.
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Dogs believe they are human. Cats believe they are God.
[ Funny Cat Quotes] [ Funny Dog Quotes] ***
I got rid of my husband. The cat was allergic.
[ Funny Marriage Quotes] [ Funny Cat Quotes] ***
My husband said it was him or the cat... I miss him sometimes.
[ Funny Marriage Quotes] [ Funny Cat Quotes] ***
Life is just a phase you're going through...you'll get over it.
[ Funny Life Quotes] ***
My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance.
[ Funny Housekeeping Quotes] ***
It is easier to get forgiveness than permission.
[ Funny Forgiving Quotes] ***
For every action, there is an equal and opposite government program.
[ Funny Government Quotes] ***
There may be 50 ways to leave your lover, but there are only 4 ways out of this airplane...
[ Funny Airplane Quotes] ***
Your seat cushions can be used for flotation, and in the event of an emergency water landing, please take them with our compliments.
[ Funny Airplane Quotes] ***
We do feature a smoking section on this flight; if you must smoke, contact a member of the flight crew and we will escort you to the wing of the airplane.
[ Funny Airplane Quotes] ***
Smoking in the lavatories is prohibited. Any person caught smoking in the lavatories will be asked to leave the plane immediately.
[ Funny Airplane Quotes] ***
Should the cabin lose pressure, oxygen masks will drop from the overhead area. Please place the bag over your own mouth and nose before assisting children or adults acting like children.
[ Funny Airplane Quotes] ***
Folks, we have reached our cruising altitude now, so I am going to switch the seat belt sign off. Feel free to move about as you wish, but please stay inside the plane till we land... it's a bit cold outside, and if you walk on the wings it affects the flight pattern.
[ Funny Airplane Quotes] ***
Thank you for flying Delta Business Express. We hope you enjoyed giving us the business as much as we enjoyed taking you for a ride.
[ Funny Airplane Quotes] ***
As you exit the plane, please make sure to gather all of your belongings. Anything left behind will be distributed evenly among the flight attendants. Please do not leave children or spouses.
[ Funny Airplane Quotes] ***
Last one off the plane must clean it.
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Money can't buy happiness; it can, however, rent it.
[ Funny Money Quotes] [ Funny Happiness Quotes] ***
Business conventions are important because they demonstrate how many people a company can operate without.
[ Funny Work Quotes] ***
If you don't know how to do something, you don't know how to do it with a computer.
[ Funny Computer Quotes] ***
If you don't have time to do it right you must have time to do it over.
[ Funny Time Quotes] ***
I just love to do special things for my wife on Valentine's day. Like open the door for her when she puts all the laundry in the washing machine, or plug and unplug the vacuum as she moves from room to room cleaning. Guys, it's these little thoughtful things you can do to have a marriage such as mine.
[ Funny Valentine Quotes] ***
I don't understand why Cupid was chosen to represent Valentine's Day. When I think about romance, the last thing on my mind is a short, chubby toddler coming at me with a weapon.
[ Funny Valentine Quotes] ***
Sales Ad at a Store: 'You are my one and only' valentine cards, now on sale: 4 for $5.
[ Funny Valentine Quotes] ***
Valentine's Day is when a lot of married men are reminded what a poor shot Cupid really is.
[ Funny Valentine Quotes] ***
Getting married is very much like going to a restaurant with friends. You order what you want, then when you see what the other fellow has, you wish you had ordered that.
[ Funny Marriage Quotes] ***
The Three Ages of Marriage: Twenty is when you watch the TV after. Forty is when you watch the TV during. Sixty is when you watch the TV instead.
[ Funny Marriage Quotes] ***
To succeed in politics, it is often necessary to rise above your principles.
[ Funny Political Quotes] ***
God is good to the Irish, but no one else is; not even the Irish
[ Funny Irish Quotes] [ Funny God Quotes] ***
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Find more Anonymous quotes and other famous quotes at Basic Quotations.
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