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Born: 1919-01-14
Died: 0000-00-00
Andy Rooney Biography
When those waiters ask me if I want some fresh ground pepper, I ask if they have any aged pepper.
[ Funny Food Quotes] ***
I don't like food that's too carefully arranged; it makes me think that the chef is spending too much time arranging and not enough time cooking. If I wanted a picture I'd buy a painting.
[ Funny Food Quotes] ***
As an old reporter, we have a few secrets, and the first thing is we try the phone book.
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Computers make it easier to do a lot of things, but most of the things they make it easier to do don't need to be done.
[ Funny Computer Quotes] ***
I didn't get old on purpose, it just happened. If you're lucky, it could happen to you.
[ Funny Old Age Quotes] ***
If dogs could talk it would take a lot of the fun out of owning one.
[ Funny Dog Quotes] ***
It would be a better world if everyone in it knew all the truth about everything.
[ Funny Truth Quotes] ***
Making duplicate copies and computer printouts of things no one wanted even one of in the first place is giving America a new sense of purpose.
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Nothing in fine print is ever good news.
[ Funny News Quotes] ***
Obscenities... I think a lot of dumb people do it because they can't think of what they want to say and they're frustrated. A lot of smart people do it to pretend they aren't very smart - want to be just one of the boys.
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Taxes are important. President Bush's tax proposals leave no rich person behind. Voters approve of President Bush helping the kind of people they wish they were one of.
[ Funny George Bush Quotes] [ Funny Tax Quotes] ***
The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there's a 90% probability you'll get it wrong.
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The average dog is a nicer person than the average person.
[ Funny Dog Quotes] ***
The federal government has sponsored research that has produced a tomato that is perfect in every respect, except that you can't eat it. We should make every effort to make sure this disease, often referred to as 'progress', doesn't spread.
[ Funny Government Quotes] ***
The world must be filled with unsuccessful musical careers like mine, and it's probably a good thing. We don't need a lot of bad musicians filling the air with unnecessary sounds. Some of the professionals are bad enough.
[ Funny Music Quotes] ***
There are sixteen cans of coffee here; together they hold a total of thirteen and a half pounds of coffee. Doesn't that seem like cheating?
[ Funny Coffee Quotes] ***
We're all proud of making little mistakes. It gives us the feeling we don't make any big ones.
[ Funny Mistake Quotes] ***
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Find more Andy Rooney quotes and other famous quotes at Basic Quotations.
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